When did we pass Normal?
Our cat has lost weight for no apparent reason and after a week of wondering about it, and mentioning it, and everybody agreeing that yes, he’s noticeably thinner, I finally made an appointment to take him to the vet. Getting this cat into the carrier to take him somewhere is daunting enough that I only attempt it when it can’t be avoided, but I had to face facts, it needed to be done.
It’s not always so easy to know when to seek professional help — with people, with family. It’s sometimes hard to recognize when things have reached the point that you can no longer handle it on your own as a caregiver, you’re out of your depth. It can creep up on you, take you by surprise. You realize one day, you reached that point without noticing —you passed it — and you should have done something already.
It’s happened with our son, and his issues with food — happened right here before our eyes, slowly and gradually over his teen years, I can see now. I thought he was a picky eater, and only wanted to eat Mom’s food. School cafeteria food sucks, right? Of course he wanted me to fix his lunches.
I knew it was connected to his autism, which often comes with sensory sensitivities and aversions, but what to do? I did the best I could, trying to keep him fed, keep up with his preferences and particularities. He’s a beanpole, he shot up in his high school years, and now stands head-and-shoulders above me. And he’s so, so skinny.
I didn’t think of it as an eating disorder. I know he’s not trying to lose weight. He doesn’t think he looks fat, and isn’t trying to be thinner. I just kept doing the best I could. But I have to face facts. I haven’t been able to get him to eat more of a variety of foods, or to eat more, period. It’s been more than a year now — it’s been since before the pandemic — that I’ve been concerned about my son being underweight, and he hasn’t gained.
It was thinking about him being in the hospital, having to eat something other than what his mom makes for him, that made me face it. Because on top of it all, he has scoliosis, which (prior to the pandemic) was considered mild, but has progressed, and is now severe. Surgery is recommended — not immediately but within a year would be good — and our son will need to spend three nights in the hospital.
It was thinking about him having to eat hospital food for several days — and realizing that’s not normal, for that to be the first worry to cross my mind as I consider spinal surgery for my 18-year-old son — that made me realize, he’s got a problem I don’t understand and don’t know how to address, so we need professional help. Just admitting that to myself, and my husband and I saying it to each other, gave me a mixture of feelings — relief, guilt, shame — because it’s so obvious we’re past the point of him needing help, I wonder why it took us this long.
I’m researching treatment of eating disorders for people with autism now, and learning that it needs to be approached differently than for non-autistic people, because their issues with food stem from different causes. There’s an eating disorder I never heard of before called ARFID (Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder), and people on the spectrum can be more likely to develop ARFID than other eating disorders. From what I’ve read, it seems like it might apply to our son. We’ll find out, and do our best to help him.
After a week of paying closer attention to our cat, I had to face the truth that his unexplained weight loss was enough of a concern that I called the vet. I made an appointment to take him in the next day and I felt better right away, now that I wasn’t just worrying, I called to ask for help.
